John Robert Hatfield (Kansas State ’77)
Risk Management Consultant | jhatfield@sae.net | 224-470-9229
Exploring what it means to live authentically, overcome adversity, lead yourself, and reclaim masculinity.
Leadership always starts with knowing how to lead yourself.
“You’re only a leader if you turn around and people are following you, titles don’t mean anything,” Mark Floyd.
If you don’t know how to lead yourself, then why would anyone want to follow your example? Leadership is about influence, and our greatest influence is our example. People emulate what we do, not what we say. Those you lead respect and trust you based upon your character, and then your competency. Why character first? Because you can be competent, yet because of a weakness in character, you end up in a disaster. Look around, the world is full of tragedies because of character deficits. It holds true in your own chapter. Remember, your greatest influence will be your example, either for good or for bad.
What are the Character Qualities you need to embrace and forge to lead yourself?
1) Honesty
2) Self-Discipline
3) Responsibility
4) Servanthood
5) Resilience
Honesty
“No legacy is so rich as honesty,” Shakespeare
“Integrity is telling myself the truth. And honesty is telling the truth to other people,” Spencer Johnson.
There has been a worldwide longitudinal study for several decades asking followers what the number one quality is they desire in their leader. Guess what, it’s not competency or skill set, it’s a unanimous resounding choice of HONESTY.
Honesty is not a half-truth but a full truth of doing what is right. And as we know, doing what’s right is not always popular, and what is popular is not always right. You will be offered an unending series of ethical decisions. You must choose to do what’s right. Self-respect comes from choosing to do what is right.
People want us to choose to do what’s right. Realize this will be costly at times, but it will ultimately be rewarding. An aspect of being honest is owning your shit shows. If you struggle with pleasing people or needing acceptance from others, it will be difficult for you to lead. The impact of being honest builds a man of integrity that others will respect, follow, and want to be like.
Self-Discipline
“Self-discipline is the ability to make yourself do what you should do, when you should do it, whether you feel like it or not,” Elbert Hubbard.
“Self-discipline starts with mastery of your thoughts. If you don’t control what you think, you can’t control what you do,” Napoleon Hill.
Self-discipline involves training to follow the rules, keep within the boundaries. Discipline of the emotions and the mind, to correct and corral them, to rule over them. Without discipline, we are vulnerable and susceptible to a breach of our personhood. Discipline will involve unpleasantness at times, pain, and grittiness. It mentors us to not give in to our emotions, what we think, desire, and temptation, or the soft way. It is always a struggle in the mind to take charge of the body and our feelings. We must break unhealthy patterns of quitting or giving up. Only we are responsible for governing our own lives, bringing our thoughts under control. The practice of discipline makes us sharper, better, and sterner. It is taking control. We choose to give in, compromise when life gets rough and tough. Self-discipline is the pathway to habits, and habits help us establish routines that define who we are. Without SELF-DISCIPLINE, we become weak and susceptible to being influenced by people, ideas, and things that bring us little worth on our quest to be the best version of ourselves. The impact of self-discipline is becoming a man who is in control of his life and lives a life of freedom.
Responsibility
“The price of greatness is responsibility,” William Churchill.
“The willingness to accept responsibility for one’s own life-is the source from which self-respect springs,” Joan Didion.
“Only you are the owner, the master, the ruler, and decision-maker of your life,” John R. Hatfield.
Leading yourself daily is your first and most important responsibility, period.
To be a successful fraternity, RESPONSIBILITY is a leadership value that must be fulfilled by every officer and member.
Responsibility is when leaders accept responsibility for themselves, those they lead, and the well-being of all.
Responsibility involves fulfilling your end of the bargain, fulfilling what you have been asked to lead, fulfilling what you said you would do, fulfilling your job description, fulfilling your word, fulfilling your commitment, and of course, fulfilling your personal values and virtues.
When you follow through with being responsible, then those who rely on you or whose success depends on you executing your part trust you. They trust you will carry your load, so they commit fully to their load. To be responsible means to be reliable and dependable. The impact of being responsible is trust and loyalty.
Servant
“Only a life lived for others is a life worthwhile,” Albert Schweitzer.
“Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility, value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of others,” The Bible, Philippians 4:23.
Leading others is never about you, it’s about those you lead.
SERVANT leadership is about taking care of those you lead. It’s a sacrifice, saying no to yourself by putting your interests aside to benefit the life of another member in your chapter.
Servant leadership is about helping people succeed both professionally and individually. It’s all about serving those you’re responsible for and those you are responsible to.
Leadership is not something you do to people- it’s something you do with people. This encourages side-by-side leadership, not top-down leadership.
Leadership demands being selfless and saying no to yourself for the benefit of others. Put others before yourself and learn to reap the benefits of what you sow.
“If you treat your members like they make a difference, they will,” Michael Bush.
Those you lead need to feel valuable, and members need to be equipped for success.
Do you have a culture of autocratic top-down leadership or bottom-up servant leadership?
Anyone who wants to be first must be the very last and servant of all. Mark 9:35. Servant leaders live it out.
The impact of being a servant leader is the joy and fulfillment of seeing others succeed.
Resilience – Don’t Tap Out
“The world breaks everyone and afterwards many are strong at the broken places,” Hemingway.
“When suffering, pain, shattering, and the hardships of life happen, some are defeated and discouraged, but the resilient become strong in the face of adversity,” John R. Hatfield.
Life will be a bitch. Hardships and struggles are the norm for everyone because life is not fair. Yes, pain, suffering, heartache, and brokenness will enter your life. We all get knocked on our ass, sucker punched, personally, with our family, in significant relationships, and in our workplace. I guarantee it, if you don’t think so, hide and wait. We must never let these knockdowns keep us down. We must choose not to detach. We must stand back up, get our legs under us, clear our heads and emotions, and then get into position to fight again. Staying down demoralizes us, depresses us, makes us cowards, and opens the door to all kinds of addictive behavior. We must enter the wilderness because it is there, we become RESILIENT as we learn and overcome the brokenness into men of valor. Our scars become our source of experiential strength. The crucible forges deep strength on its anvil. This deep virtue of overcoming, not giving up, self-control, being able to weep, and persevering through the dark night creates a man with deep, powerful character traits. We arise anew, like the phoenix. The impact of being resilient is becoming a better version of yourself, becoming strong and confident.
“Nothing so conclusively proves a man’s ability to lead others as what he does from day to day to lead himself,” Thomas J. Watson, the former chairman of IBM.
What are the daily rituals you need to consistently strive toward in leading yourself to become the best self that others would trust to follow?
“Your habits shape your identity, and your identity shapes your habits,” James Clear.
1) Identify the daily habits you need to consistently carve into your life.
2) Bring order to your chaos, either organize your life each day and week, or agonize.
3) Prioritize your day and week.
4) Your daily routine is connected to understanding, knowing, and fulfilling your purpose.
5) Strive to be a lifelong learner for the rest of your life and put it into your daily routine.
6) Self-reflection will build self-awareness. Journaling is paramount in being committed to becoming the best you.
My daily routine consists of reading and reflecting on leadership, spirituality, and self-awareness, praying, prioritizing my day and week, going to the gym lifting weights and cardio, and arranging my life around fulfilling my purpose of bringing value to men, bringing boys into manhood, to foster healing, and to influence through one-to-one interactions, speaking, and writing so that men will use their masculine power for good.
